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Suicide and a Nonsensical Train
when you look
through a mirror what do you see
your life is there and you’ve got all the power you want
to change it
sometimes life’s a looking glass
just an image not the real thing
because the real thing is oh so much more
and so much more satisfying
and you can have it all
you can take it or leave it you’ve got the choice
choice is what we all really search for
but it’s so obvious because it’s right there within your grasp
what are you looking for anyway
it’s so close so very close
why are you being so unreasonable when
everything is laid down for you
there’s no desire here
no chance of it because
we’re living in a parallel universe
and if only we could crush this mirror
we could all change
I walk down a hallway
it seems like I’m unravelling
my secrets follow me like the guilty party
they don’t make sense
not to me, not to you, not to anybody
I cry out in anguish
inwardly because you’re not listening
nobody’s listening
why should they they’re minding their business aren’t they
what should I expect anyway
and I’m volatile
I’m a volcano waiting to explode
lash out my anger in red hot lava fire
that’s the power
my anger can crush you and make you realise
but do I want it to do that
that’s the question
and then I see you there
and I stop because
suddenly it’s like
there’s a looking glass
a mirror between us we’re not together after all
you’re in a different plane and so am I
and there’s no wormhole, no time machine, no passage
we’re locked
we can only look through this mirror
the obvious thing to do is to break it
why aren’t we breaking it
what’s the point of this
no interaction no words nothing nada zilch
and we’re statues frozen in time
and our lives spin around us
what’s the point
we can lose it all
I can throw this away so easily
it just takes one shot
one pinch of cyanide
one jump
one step
but it’s not that easy at all where are the guts to do it
and the whole question do I really want to do this
and of course the answer is no
which is so damningly ironic
I’m just trying to impress you
look at me you fool can’t you see
I’m just waiting
I want to move on away but I’m waiting for you
yet you won’t come
and so despair seizes me
I scream but you can’t hear me
you can’t see me because you don’t care
I’m invisible unseen unheard
just a ghost that’s not even haunting you
no it’s me that’s being haunted
by myself
power is what we maddened souls all want
and it takes a lot of courage
to say no to the bad things
because yes is always the alternative
oh if you want out
you can have it
you will realise that’s not what you wanted at all
once you’re gone dead out of this world
and you can’t think anymore
it takes a lot of courage to say no too
just as it does to do it
you know what is right
just climb up onto a stool
with natural curiosity…. like Alice
be a child again
and then… the world opens up
you can change it just with one choice
you can change your life
make the twist
but we can’t see that
and so I’m here
locked out from everything all connections closed
I feel like I’m lost and that’s what I am
for once I feel something that’s true
before it was all one big lie
something that was so untrue it made me scared
yes lies are scary
they can be if they get too much
especially when I’m living a lie
now that’s scary
do what you want
that’s what some people say
be responsible cautious this that this that
so many things your head gets filled up
you don’t know what to think
this or that?
what do I want?
and the answer is nothing, nothing at all
so horrifying
the prospect is something you can’t dream of
and then
something never seems clear enough
maybe that’s what it’s all about
making decisions
life is a decision
a decision which can be this way or that
and it’s in your hands
and that’s what makes you
so bewilderingly confused
and I stop
thoughts rush through me
I stand up and suddenly this immense fuel; rushes through me
and I break the mirror
The Wall of China torn
and I can see you
and you smile at me
and I smile back.
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